Animal crackers
Tuesday, 30 December 2003
By Paul Saffer

It is true that uefa.com largely concentrates on the human aspect of
football. But that is not to say that this year we have neglected to salute
the footballing exploits of our brothers, cousins and estranged nieces in the
animal kingdom.

Cattle battle
For example, it is true that the bulk of the coverage of Denmark's crucial
5-2 UEFA EURO 2004 qualifying win in Romania concentrated on the match
itself. But it was also revealed that the result had profound livestock
implications. A group of Romanian farmers in the village of Rosia Montana
cancelled an order for ten Danish cows after their nation's defeat in March.
The purchase was to be subsidised by the state, and local mayor Virgil Narita
said: "I do not know what I am going to do. Maybe after things cool down they
will realise they do not have to lose such a deal just from a passionate
reaction."

A pig of a defeat
Of course, sometimes the animals themselves take matters into their own
hands, or trotters in one case. In April SPG Wattens/Wacker were 2-0 down at
home to SV Salzburg when a piglet burst on to the pitch and had to be
restrained by six security guards. "After the 70th minute we had to open
everything so that visitors could leave the stadium in an orderly way," the
Tivoli stadium's head of security, Gerald Falge, said. "This is how the pig
must have got in - with human help."

Fishy tale
The troubles of Leeds United AFC in England have been well documented. Large
debts meant cutbacks, but the sale of the likes of Jonathan Woodgate were not
the only cost-cutting measure, since the players were followed out of the
door by eleven tropical fish. The aquatic mascots in the club colours of
blue, yellow and white were bought for the boardroom by former chairman Peter
Ridsdale, who claimed that Far Eastern associates had fish tanks in their
offices for good luck. Sadly, they were given their swimming orders, although
financial football expert Henk Potts said of the saving: "It is like making
sure the windows are clean on the Titanic when it sinks. It doesn't help
much."

Pigeon street
More usually associated with northern England are pigeons, raced by many
enthusiasts. Among their number are Everton FC striker Duncan Ferguson, who
in May discovered his flock had escaped - and then turned up 180km away in
former home town Newcastle. "It turned out they were all roosting on the roof
of Duncan's old house," said an Everton insider. "The new owner is apparently
very confused." Sharing Ferguson's passion is John Lambie, former manager of
Scottish club Partick Thistle FC. One day he brought some recently deceased
pigeons into his office with the intention of arranging a funeral, but found
another use as he argued with a player. "His name was Declan Roche and he was
talking back to me - so I got these dead pigeons out of a box and slapped him
round the face with one," said Lambie. A peaceful Christmas to you all!

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